I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
