I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize