okay pat passed out under dana's car
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
