Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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