Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
