i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
