Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
