This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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