eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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