is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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