Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
