I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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