i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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