I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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