WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
