So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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