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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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