idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
