she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
