no, he came in my armpit
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
