rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
