worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
