Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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