someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
