Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
