when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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