Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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