i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
