I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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