It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
