the condom got lost in my hair
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
