I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
