Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
