ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
