Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She's the barista slut.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
