Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
