it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
