but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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