I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All I want is dick and wine.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
