I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
