wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this boner is exhausting
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
no you cant smoke seaweed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
