Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
