At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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