Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
