how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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