ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
