I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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