how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
there's paper in my vomit.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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