i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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