the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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