pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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