17 year olds will be the death of me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
