Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
