my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
