if you like me you must not know who I am
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
