i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
