At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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