Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
