Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
