i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
