Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
