Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize