On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
