dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
