Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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