So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
