yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
