i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
