you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
someone owes me an orgasm
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
