He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just want nice things and good sex
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
