I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
