Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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