I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
