I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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