; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
