Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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