i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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