Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
