you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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