Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
