thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
