Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
