He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What happened to fro yo and sex?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
