Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
