Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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