hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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