This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
