can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
