they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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