she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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