tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
