Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
