distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize