i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
