Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
