I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
