i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
