Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
