Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
