Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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