WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
