By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
